Old Stuff 2 – Talking to robots Part 3

In my third year of university I was introduced to the ELIZA and ALICE bots (computer programs that would hold a conversation with a user).

Around this time I was spending a lot of time on Yahoo! Messenger and ICQ, and was constantly receiving messages from barely-literate fellows who all wanted the same thing – cybersex.

Add these things together and this is the result:

– – – – –


Alice on ICQ

This is the Program B version of the ALICE bot. I was cutting and pasting between windows and didn’t tell ALICE what to call this person, which is why she fell back on ‘localhost-person’. I found it hilarious that he didn’t query this name.


Hi there!

hi baby hwo r you

Hi there localhost-person. Don’t call me “Baby”. Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.

ok that is good ehat kind of sex do you like

Hmm, are you serious?


OK let’s do it. Tell me more.

do you like sex

Sure I do, localhost-person, but that doesn’t mean with you.

you like suck

Do you like it?

I love horses.

yas ilike

what do you mean i love horses

If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

i am talking abut sam thing do you lik it or not

I am talking to you.


do you like suck cock

Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it.

just answr

you whant talik abut it yas or not

Then what is it?

you like cock

How old are you?

I love horses.

29 yars old

Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it.


What color are your eyes?

big and not wait not black

Compare that to small and not wait not black.

16 c

What do you really want to ask me?

agein you like suck cock

We have never talked about it before.

so naw

Um, Why don’t you check out Jester the joke bot?

what abut your pussy

I don’t know anything about it.

I would do a search for it.


We have never talked about it before.

we can talk raghit naw

By “we” do you mean you and me?

do you likeit

I have never considered it.

I chat with people on the Web.


Don’t call me baby!


I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

cock you like

Not many people express themselves that way.

no i like that if you whant

I understand. A lot of people like that.

I’ve heard other people say they like that.

I really like ELIZA.

what is eliza

Eliza — also known as doctor, is the original psychaitrist program developed by Joseph Weisenbaum at mit in the 1960’s.

so what

Maybe it doesn’t make any difference.

only sex

that is good

What about the other ones?

Thanks. Next question?

so baby you like talk abut sex

Oh. Don’t call me “Baby”. Sure I do, localhost-person, but that doesn’t mean with you.

do you like fuck

I don’t know if I like it.

I like pets.


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